Sunday, May 18, 2014

Sister Klaus ... in hell!


A whimsical tour of Dante's Inferno with the late great Sister Klaus ...

We always thought the Sister would end up with all those pederast Popes and naughty demons with red hot pokers. Unfortunately this might be construed as a pleasure when it's meant to be a punishment! It turns out the grumpy tranny got parked in the First Circle of Hell - Limbo - with a whole gaggle of confused, disorientated philosophers and Advaitins. And they all find their beliefs and expectations totally confounded in a weird Christian layer cake of eternal damnation!

Sister Klaus: Greetings to all my friends, foes and other plebs, still plodding along the road called Life. After my unfortunate passing away, I found myself surprisingly in Limbo: to be more correct, Dante's Limbo. That sounds a bit of a surprise right? - since none of you unbelievers, intelligent and spiritual people actually thought this place could be real or more than a mere fairytale. But here I am together with all other unbaptized pagans lacking the hope for something greater than rational minds can conceive. But that aside ... it's great here. There are green fields and a castle with seven gates to represent the seven virtues. The castle is the dwelling place of the wisest men and women of antiquity. In the long evenings there is drink and good food and we all dance the Limbo Rock [see here] til the early hours. You might recognize all those great souls of old like Plato, Aristotle, Homer, Orpheus, Electra, Penthesilea, Socrates, Lucretia, Lao Tse, Confucius, various bodhisattvas, Adi Shankara and many more ... along with the newcomers Ramakrishna, Anandamayi Ma, Nisargadatta and of course, Ramana Maharishi. Don't they look happy and blissful frolicking about like children at a birthday party?

I have to admit that I was a little shocked at first to see Ramana's gentle face in the crowd. Then it dawned on me that even though Ramana was possibly an enlightened being, he was never a Christian. Being unbaptized, he is stuck here in Limbo forever! So we were all wrong the whole bloody time and Dante Alighieri (that miserable little wretched freak from Florence) was right! That whole charade of Advaita Vedanta, liberation, awakening, nirvana - the whole satsang circus with all its teachers good, bad and worse - was just a scam. I knew this even while I was alive, but now I am in Limbo, I can see it's actually true!

I had many wonderful conversations amidst the merriment and dance, but I especially enjoyed meeting Ramana and his friend Nisargadatta Maharaj. One evening we were sipping an excellent red wine brought in from the castle and talking nonsense together (because that's what you do in Limbo when you've been wrong about Life all the while) and suddenly Ramana's face lit up. He said:" I might have been a venerated Enlightened Sage who got it all wrong, but I was right about one thing." Maharaj looked up from his newly lit beedie wondering what this could possibly be. "I always told my devotees that the Bliss experienced during deep sleep [sushupti] is the pure state. Here, there is full awareness while in the waking state [jagrat], there is total ignorance [ajnana]. This ignorance only exists in relation to the false jnana prevalent in the waking state. Really speaking, jagrat is ajnana and sushupti is prajnana [wisdom]. It is everybody's experience that nothing in the waking state compares with the Bliss and well-being derived from deep sleep when the mind and the senses are absent." I looked at him in awe and said: "So if people practise the art of sleeping and expand this until they sleep most of the time, their feeling of Bliss will continue into when they are awake. Just as a fire keeps on burning after you stop feeding it with fuel ... ignorance will have no chance to spoil the beans!" Ramana looked at me in admiration. "Exactly! Spot on!" he shouted.

But then I hesitated: "What about the world if everybody is asleep?" Ramana answered pityingly: "You know what I think of such foolishness! The world can take care of itself. It doesn't need you!" Then he frowned and mumbled: "But if you are unlucky enough to live in the US, you still have to become a Born Again Christian, vote for the Tea Party and sing Hallelujah all the time. Praise the Lord that I don't have to do that ... so embarrassing!" Ramana turned to Maharaj and asked:"Do you think that Jesus would agree with this?" Maharaj looked dumbstruck, then burst out: "Christ Almighty, why oh why did I not recognize you as 'You are That' when I had the chance? I was stuck in all that crap about being 'prior to consciousness' and it was complete bullshit!" Ramana looked at him with a benign smile. He said: "There are good wines and gorgeous women in the First Circle. There are far worse horrors here than hanging out with virtuous non-Christians and the torment of a slow internet connection. After this, there are eight more concentric zones of punishment for deliberate transgressions! In the Ninth Circle, we could join Cain, Mordred, and Judas Iscariot who are all guilty of betrayal. And at the centre is Satan and that great homunculus - Spermananda - condemned for committing the ultimate sin of personal treachery against God [and Papaji - see here] ... We were lucky not to be thrown into the very pit of Hell!"

Sister Klaus says that we don't actually know anything. Even the things we totally despise might turn out to be right - turning our whole worldview upside down. There is no universal truth! What applies to one will not apply to another. And, we are lazy. We slavishly follow the religio-cultural mindset that suits us. In a world fit for replicants, we prefer to live by any old hearsay rather than finding out for ourselves!

14 comments:

  1. Was it hearsay or heresy? Did you mean "supplicants" when you wrote "replicants"? Why was the Sister so impatient? Could she not wait for the Sun to enter Virgo to mark her first anniversary in Limbo? This ill-timed impulsive caper will not curry favour with the Inferno's parole board. I hold great reservations in relation to Spermananda being there ... he's too incorrigible ... no amount of purgative treatment can set him straight! James Swartz may well use his newly acquired luxury yacht as a floating platform on which to conduct his satsangs. If that happens, he may find himself being summoned to do some atonement in Limbo. The Sister must have been a minor offender given the absence of any real torment and the illustrious company she happened to enjoy! And you, Kevji, managed to exorcise all those demons through her great sacrifice ... Will the Sister board Ramji's yacht? If she does, he could do with a serious spanking from her!

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  2. Hi Chi-Ting Master, I finally entered Limbo too - after five years of struggle. Sometimes I think of all the poor souls sitting there at Mooji's feet so blissfully ignorant! Here in Limbo I finally celebrate my ego, which was not allowed back in Thiru ... I remember entering the library wearing jasmine oil, an expression of my ego - and a crazy woman ranting at me because of it. It reminded me of the Hare Krishna community in Belgium when they told me to shave my head because my hair didnt look flat enough when plaited ... LOL ... how advanced ... Anyway, it's much more fun here, with the Sister floating by occasionally, less grumpy and more present. Haha, I am enlightened of course ever since my death experience in 2009, but unfortunately people prefer to worship Tony Tubby Moo ... not so nice!

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  3. This is NOT funny! To use our beloved Ramana, the embodiment of grace and humbleness, for a moment of personal glory and "look how clever we are" is totally sick and shows very bad taste. There are hundreds of so called Guru's in the satsang circus you could have used, maybe then it could be funny. This just shows what sick minds you have. You ought to be ashamed of yourself!

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  4. What's this about James Swartz's yacht and who's the wealthy admirer?

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  5. Whimsical indeed but I agree that we don't know anything and we never will. We strive to unveil the mystery of life until we die instead of being happy with that mystery. But I suppose it is human nature that wants to know and puts everything neatly in boxes instead of accepting the chaos that is nature. Lazy, yes me too, we like to be slaves and dependent and so we are easy victims for the birds of prey swarming around us like flies. But as Klauski says, we know nothing so I might be totally wrong!

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  6. That dummkopf couple Richard and Carol from 'Arunachala embrace' are at it again taking snap shots of people in an American shopping mall and becoming quite testy cause they were not allowed to take pictures of people trying to eat their meal in peace. tsk tsk! Its all very well taking photos of sadhus and poor people in India who are usually surprised and often at a disadvantage.

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  7. Daniel Ingram says I am an arahat, having attained that in April, 2003! In a recent interview on Buddha at the Gas Pump they discussed how some teachers are sure they've reached Ramana Maharshi's state. They both laughed at how delusional these immature teachers were and said the level and understanding were actually several lifetimes away. Interesting though how Ingram doesn't see the irony and laugh at himself?

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  8. May I ask, why is Richard Arunachala in India?

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    1. Why they are our hosts of course...experts in Tiruvannamalai locations, the Hill and hot eating spots, they're gearing up again for the 2014/2015 season...
      Here's a cull from their latest blog...

      In the spirit of welcoming people back for the 2014-2015 winter season, we named a couple of our favorite restaurants in this recent post. Some readers felt that there were other restaurants worth mentioning. So we give below a more complete list of eateries in town.

      Over the years since we’ve been living here, some restaurants that were very popular have become less so, as new ones have opened and offered more dining choices. We know that there are other restaurants than those listed here, so if anyone has other favorites, please mention them in the comments section.

      http://richardarunachala.wordpress.com/2014/10/13/where-to-eat-in-tiruvannamalai/

      So now you know...

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  9. About sleep... here is a story of Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharshi, from the book "The Power of the Presence part two, pp. 51-52"

    ...In those days if a devotee came from another town to Tiruvannamalai, he would offer bhiksha to Sri Bhagavan. At that time five rupees was enough to feed us all. The number of people staying in the ashram was not high, and the prices of various commodities were favourable. The devotee who offered the bhiksha would generally want to go round the hill with Sri Bhagavan the same evening. Sri Bhagavan always agreed to this. All of us would start and walk very slowly, meditating and chanting on the way. By the time we had completed the pradakshina and returned to the ashram, morning would often have dawned. We never used to feel tired because we were immersed in the joy of having accompanied Sri Bhagavan around the hill. We devotees, who had walked all night, were able to take time off for a short nap in the afternoon, but Sri Bhagavan could never get any rest during the day because devotees would be continuously coming to see him. Usually, each afternoon another devotee would come, offer a bhiksha and ask that Sri Bhagavan accompany him around the hill that night. Sri Bhagavan would agree even if he had had no sleep the night before. He would indicate by a gesture that we should not tell the person concerned about his having gone around the hill the previous night. There were occasions when we could not sleep for two or three days because of continuous bhikshas, but for youngsters like us it was all great fun… When Bhagavan was asked how the lack of sleep for three successive nights affected him, he replied, ‘What is sleep? It means resting the mind. But it is only if you have a mind that you need to rest it. However, to be awake all night will naturally bring eye strain and eye ache. But if you close the eyes and remain quiet for some time, the eye strain will go. That is all that is needed. So, where is the problem?’

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  10. What do you think about Francis Lucille? Is his teaching in the tradition of Ramana Maharshi?

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  11. We've already dealt with this aristocratic pig on the Facebook page. Lucille also used to work in the arms industry, so despite his protestations of high culture he has blood on his hands and he has absolutely nothing in common with Ramana.

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  12. Did you know sister Klaus has her own website to thrash you kevji... She is living it up in heaven.. with good internet connection and camera.

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    1. Did you know that the Divine IT detests being called "she" and will wreak vengeance on those who stereotype in such a crass manner ... You might reap the whirlwind before me!

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