Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Baba Bob memorial edition

Robert Broughton we've been missing you: you and your Machiavellian ways!

FAILED actor, FAILED monk, FAILED satsang teacher, FAILED real estate operator, FAILED sexual abuser (Even his alleged attempted rape of Satsang Barbie alias Miranda went out like a damp squib 3 years ago. Miranda had been thrown out of her 5-star hotel for the night. So Robert nobly invited her to stay for the night. We know what followed, yo ho ho baby! She claims she didn't succumb, but the jury is still out on that one!)

Yes, Robert has failed at everything, he is King Midas in reverse, it all turns to shit in his hands. Does this recurring theme of failure stop Robert or even dent his ego? No, he bounces back like the all-purpose bully he is. But maybe this year he has taken one or two blows too many to his self esteem, for Robert has forsaken Tiruvannamalai for the under-age fleshpots of Brazil! Of course we are gutted that we can't blow him out of the water here, but thanks to the wonders of the Internet our abusive missive should reach him in some shanty town bordello. And we know Bob - it will be a very cheap nasty place. Oh, the horror, the horror! ...

Once upon a time everything was nice and shiny for Robert. He got bit parts in tacky B movies, even playing a murderous rapist who seeks redemption in the afterlife. (Is there a moral in this or is life stranger than fiction?) And best of all he ran the LA franchise for Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now scam, so Bob had a limitless supply of blonde bimbos he could do pervy things to and boy did he go for it! But then came the dreadful day when some of his victims started to complain about this sweaty fat bald bloke whose mantra was Suck It and Be in the Now! So Robert got the sack because Eckhart is a friendly fluffy non-threatening nice veggie type, even though he is a very greedy little runt. So Bob had no more blondes on tap and suddenly he was persona non grata in LA.

Then he flew to Tiruvannamalai in search of new victims. Unfortunately he had just arrived as Mooji mania first hit town. Robert didn't have dreadlocks, didn't have charm or any redeeming feature, so no-one was interested. He was reduced to one very young German boy as his devotee (well, needs must) and Robert found that necessity is the mother of invention and decided that as long as he was on top, it didn't matter what he fucked (a very Roman moral code!) Bob was so pissed off with this turn of events that he tried a black magic smear campaign against Mooji ... But as it was patently obvious to everyone that Mooji is Afro-Caribbean in origin and the only magic involved was his Barry White "Come and roll with the Walrus of Lurv etc etc", yet again Robert failed and retired to the Satya Cafe to scheme away again. He even bought them a cow, but it was to no avail as Mooji's mob moved in and kicked out Bob and his catamite, who were left to sulk in their house across the road. Poor ol' Baba Bob, he doesn't even make the grade as a proper villain but hell, he sure does try! Come on home Robert, we forgive you. We know you're naff, pompous and very nasty, but we totally accept you as you are! Tiru needs a cartoon bad guy to laugh at and you are truly the Dick Dastardly of Advaitic self help therapy!

Thought for the week: In our perfect world Robert and Miranda would get married and become the Ken and Barbie of satsang. Then Miranda would really get her chance to be a desperate housewife! Imagine their non-dual speak: "I am not the mind or the body, so fuck off and die Ken!"

We can hear the sound of smashing crockery like a concerto of Truth!


  1. Is that Bob in the foto? Looks like some kind of Frankinstine ...

  2. It's Bob famous method acting impersonation of Marlon Brando strung out on valium in the Phillipino jungle sometime in the late seventies!....