Wednesday, December 10, 2008

The News from T.V.Malai

Presented by Satsang Barbie, anchorwoman

"Here is the news from T.V.Malai: the moral police have informed us of a grave and sinister threat to the public good. Same Sex Specialist Mark-Hans has been harassing young men with shoulder massages and promises of tantric diksha. His poster is trying to sell Perfect Pitch but he wants you to be the Perfect Bitch and we can guarantee you'll be howling like a dog if he ever gives you a good drilling! Sick of being home alone with his rooftop sound system and absolutely no visitors (apart from the crippled beggar he seduced with his large wallet!), he will do anything (and we really mean anything!) to get you to attend his satsang. Once he tells you his name (because you won't have a clue who the fuck he is!) he will start to froth at the mouth since you will be giving him your precious attention and then it will be time to get down and dirty. So young men of Tiruvannamalai, preserve your chastity and when you bow down before the divine, make sure Mark-Hans is not lurking behind! ...

Other news ...

The Fuhrer of Neo Advaita, Karl Renz, has taken up residence at Usha's restaurant pretending that he is not giving meetings this year. We think same bullshit, different location! The fawning crowds come to pay homage to the poor man's U.G. Krishnamurti and are usually greeted with his trademark benediction of Bavarian sarcasm (he's even worse than us!), while he slurps coffee and strokes a fluffy white cat in true Blofeld Bond villain style. Percy Bryce Dodgybollox (Poet Laureate of Tiru and Renz-ite sycophant) has been seen giving oral supplication on the Fuhrer's thorny member and has even gone a far as having cosmetic surgery on his front lip for a better fit! This kind of deviant devotion is to be discouraged as a social menace and is yet another crass example of Neo Advaita Mind Fuck Soup, which is as indigestible as it is banal!

And finally ...

Transgendered Alien Russian Junkie, Swami Dharma Sumiran, has been escorting brain damaged housewives from St Petersburg around supposedly spiritually charged sites in Tiruvannamalai, complete with television crew and lights! His posters and website are all in Cyrillic Russian script and are like crop circles: only decipherable to higher intelligences from Alpha Centauri. Like the Pied Piper of Hamelin weaving his merry way to ascended vistas of consciousness, Swami Dharma Sumiran has magically disappeared and will emerge sometime next year with more willing sacrificial victims!" ...


  1. All I can say Kevandaji, is that M-H is so desperate he is offering to do young men's laundry in order to lure them and I even heard he offered to sleep with a very handsome young man for 2 nights for the privilege. Is this the behaviour of a real guru, or the best he can come up with when nobody gives a fuck and he wants a fuck!

  2. Ya know I love this Barbie shit, she is kind of HOT. I heard Karl Renz thinks he's enlightenedd ... is this true?

  3. No I was there, Marky Hands said to the guy sleep with me for 2 nights and I will do your laundry. Kinda cool. Weird. Yeah and desperate just wanted everyone to look at him/ listen i trhink

  4. Karl talks alot, so there must be some thinking going on,but what form the thinking takes and how delusional it all becomes is anyones guess? In our opinion Karl is just another attention seeking vanity case with a very big Ego, who thinks the world revolves around his salivating mouth.....

  5. I am outraged and disgusted by the cheap and nasty way that you take the piss out of that shit shovelling faggot Mark-Hans. The poor man needs to be institutionalised in a kind and caring Catholic mission, where Nuns can attach electrodes to his genitals and he can be given loving electro-therapy until he repents of his rancid perversions. Your disgusting satires make it much harder to save this lost soul from his cycle of egotistical debauchery! Kevinanda you are a psychologically challenged maggot and will be dealt with accordingly! Sunanda, The Catholic Mission of the Warped Angels of Mercy, Quo Vadis Interfaith centre, Tiruvannamalai

  6. Poor Renzie ... face down once again