Tuesday, August 24, 2010

My bordello by the sea

An exclusive interview with Über Fuhrer Karl Renz
(Kevinanda and Karl go toe-to-toe and slug it out for 15 rounds!)

KEVJI: Karl, many people think you are a self-satisfied twat. How do you respond to these accusations?
KARL: You are an unenlightened asschlock, not fit to lick my jackboots.

KEVJI: Karl, you seem to be surrounded by young women called Noi, Nong, Lec and Nok. Is it true that they say you are a big boy when you give them lots of monies?
KARL: I am a big boy in the world of Neo Advaita!

KEVJI: The burning question in the sewers of Tiruvannamalai is why have you forsaken your sycophants in favour of the fleshpots of south Thailand?
KARL: I am bored with these lame fuckwits and I have also been gazumped by that sleazy fat rastafarian!

KEVJI: Do you shop at Tesco in Koh Samui and is it an improvement on the Rip Off Supermarket?
KARL: I prefer Carrefour, it's the place where the real Eurotrash hang out!

KEVJI: Is it true you and Radha have run off together? Because she hasn't been seen recently, after the loss of most of her devotees caught up in her latest real estate scam.
KARL: I am only interested in what is prior!

KEVJI: What, foreplay? Or is it her voluptuous and perfectly formed breasts?
KARL: Ja, to all of the above.

KEV: Do you have any advice about the tragic demise of that much esteemed guru Nithyananda?
KARL: Less of the crocodile and more of the bullshit.

KEVJI: Did you know that Satsang Barbie has volunteered to fill your Xmas and New Year spot? Do you think she has the necessary integrity?
KARL: (We pause while Karl vomits into the nearest container!)

KEVJI: Is it true that Germany failed to reach the World Cup final because of an excessive number of homosexuals in the team?
KARL: Only those who are beyond gender reach the final goal!

KEVJI: Were you shocked to hear that your old stomping ground, Usha's restaurant is about to be turned into a supermarket?
KARL: At least I won't be poisoned by that extortionate buffet.

KEVJI: Have you replaced your Blofeld Bond villain sneer, now that you are loved up in Samui?
KARL: I still stroke my big white cat vigorously.

And on this happy note we leave Karl slurping on his tequila sunrise, shimmering in his newly acquired and very garish Hawaiian shirt ...

Another day in paradise ... Or is it a prelude to his triumphant return?


  1. Karl was one of the first ones to bring the whole satsang circus to Tiruvannamalai and now he has gone. Let's hope it's a sign ...

  2. A few days ago I heard that people spend 90%ish of
    their time defending their point of view.
    Holy moly, that's a heckuva lotta time and energy
    and creativity.

  3. The modern guru: The place of Miracles, as I Am the Only True
    Spiritual Master for this Millenium. All others speak lies. Only I speak the
    Truth. Therefore obey only Me in all that you think, say and do and never
    doubt that I created all things of goodness in the Universe.

  4. Dear all,
    I am hearing of rumours that Tory Boy Conservative prodigy, William Hague, has been sharing hotel rooms with his male driver. I must say that in these times of fiscal hardship it is commendible that such a high ranking government minister is saving public money by sharing a room and methinks bed as well (this presumably is to save the environment from laundry detergents used in the washing of one rather than two sets of sheets?)
    If I still lived in England, I would strongly consider voting for a Conservative government: only they can be trusted with our money and environment!
    Lotsa Love,
    Bruce Billabong
    Alice Springs

  5. Wise words Bruce!
    If I still lived in England I would also consider voting Conservative while ritually disembowelling myself and screaming "BANZAI" as my entrails slithered out of my guts like pregnant sausages.
    H.H. Kevinandaji
    Tamil Nadu

  6. Oooh yes! Any Reiki masters and life coaches coming to Tiru via Goa?

  7. This low form of life oozes from the primal slime in Pune via Goa and has evolved to a tentacled soul sucking parasite that washes up in Tiru searching for victims to feed on. Fortunately not many punters in town, but come high season they will descend in an orgiastic frenzy attaching themselves to Mooji's satsang as an easy kill feeding ground!

  8. Kevinanda, Did you ever venture to Lucknow to see Papaji? I know some of the crowd from Puna were way over the top! Still Papaji's strong association with Ramana made it all worthwhile.
    Didya didya go?

  9. Unfortunately His Holiness was banged up in the Broadmoor 'Funny Farm' for the ever so slightly psychotic! But fear not Papaji was in constant etheric contact and after one particularly mind blowing vison when he said "you are That", Kevinanda responded with the the first and most famous Chi-Ting Mantra "Yer what!". Truly a sublime and magical moment.

  10. Life does not care what you believe in, who you are, where you think
    you are going, who your gods are, what turns you on - or off, how
    tall you are, how pretty you are, how smart you are, how many books
    you have read, how many times - or how long - you go into samadhi,

  11. It is tough to stay current on top of the non-duality food chain!

  12. To be honest I ain't got that ol'killer instinct no more! Are these lack wits even worth the spit?

  13. fascinating isn't it. kind of like lining up in front of a
    department store for the big birthday sale and
    rushing in to make sure you get the thing you want before its
    sold out. i wonder what it is that makes people think there
    is something in the front of the room that isn't in the back.

  14. Do you know why the rooster spreads his
    lamentations every dawn? To let the living know
    that another night has faded into the mirror of
    morning light and we haven't gotten any closer to
    deserving the name human.

    Abu Saeed, 10th century mystic

  15. Have you read the bullshit on his site about his enlightenment experience? Oh my God, hard to believe. After some crappy dream about Carlos Castaneda followed by 15 years of "impersonal consciousness" (well done Karl, even a dude in a icecream van has that) he comes out with a subliminal fear of losing only the intellectual clarity that he is nothing! Dude, you should get your money back! He says that after this, he gets a "little aha" of being that which is. I had a big "aha". Shall I tell you what it is? This guy is a W*NKER!

  16. Is everything still god?

    Let's just say it is, for the moment anyway.

    That being the case, wake up!


    Buncha dumbazzes always talking about it but never doing it.

  17. ...........yes and then after the identity of the seeker drops away
    up comes a new identity, the non-seeker. Ta-Da! "I am no longer
    seeking", "here what arises is no-seeking" or some such mumbo-jumbo,
    advaita shuffle,self delusion.
    have a nice day.

  18. That daft Richard Clarke is at it again. I f he's not taking pictures of the dead, then he's fawning at the feet of local politicians in Chennai.
    Now he's advertising the local bar 'Ashreya Hotel' with photos of him hoisting beers with his equally sad and misguided partner.
    Like that's what Tiruvannamalai needs a western bar! yep let's go and down a few to enhance our sadhana.

  19. I am still confused! I have tried to obtain enlightenment, but This Karl Renz literary work is beyond me!
    Can anyone explain the truth to me? I am getting old!

  20. The end is nigh, Rock'n Roll Armageddon. Simple innit!