Sunday, November 16, 2008

Radha Ma and the Temple of Isis

A New Adventure by Enid Blyton and The Famous Five

"Oh look at that!" said the bossy girl with the hairy thighs. "That must be a temple to the Egyptian Mother Goddess Isis. Do you think this level of conspicuous consumption sets a good example to the serfs and peasants, because they are very prone to scamming and are no longer the lovable lowborns of yore, who we used to wave at in such a patronising manner?"

The rather dense looking boy with the caved-in head (for it is Percy Bryce Dodgybollox, future Poet Laureate of Tiruvannamalai) looked up and spoke: "A rich American devotee of Radha Ma has built this wondrous temple as a monument to sadomasochism, whips and KY jelly. Do you think if I climbed over the wall I could become a sex slave and develop a life-long addiction to kinky sex and general perversion?"

"Oh you stupid boy," said the bossy girl (who later became a Pune ├╝ber therapist called Ma Prem and then did 2 years in the slammer when the Oregon scam went tit over ass!) "If you go in there they will perform the dismemberment of Osiris and chop you into 7 pieces and throw your fleshy worm to the fishes!"

"Oh I don't like the sound of that!" said a very pale Percy.

She continued: "I heard of a boy who wandered in there and that wicked witch Radha Ma turned him into gingerbread and ate him at one of their monstrous rites."

"Oh that's horrible," said Percy as a yellow dribble of fluid ran down his inner thigh. "But once upon a time wasn't Radha Ma a good person? I even heard that she was going into business with that great Chi-Ting Master Sri Sri SRI Kevinandaji. They were planning to open Tiruvannamalai's first lap dancing and casino complex, which was going to be called The Funky Time Emporium. Can you imagine how much fun we could have had after a hard day's tapas: a little drinking, debauchery and gambling for light relief in the evening. Everyone was gutted when the plans were shelved, but Radha Ma had been seduced by Illuminati agents from the Sparsa Hotel across the road and had turned to the dark side of the force just like Darth Vader. (Who is actually her uncle and takes a keen interest in her progress!) Let's get out of here, it's creepy," said Percy who was still discomfited by a damp sensation in the groin region.

So with a look of trepidation and fear, the children continued down Guru Street occasionally stepping on limbless beggars, who were left wailing and writhing in the dust. Suddenly they arrived at Fat Boy Slim's Burger Bar (for this joint belongs to the obese Texan, Arunachala Ramana and had just had a hip makeover). Percy noticed a big sign saying: Free Burgers for New Devotees! ... "Oh let's go in here as I feel a bit peckish and could do with a bit of sacred cow in a bun!" Percy cried.

The bossy girl eyed the pesky youngster with contempt and said: "If you go in there we will curse you, never to return to Enid's 1950s' world and you will spend lifetimes seeking That Which Is Prior ... Even sucking Karl Renz's thorny cock will not give you absolution!"

"I don't care," said Plucky Percy and he went into the burger bar and was never seen again. Suddenly the Famous Five were now only four!

Percy Bryce Dodgybollox's poetic magnum opus, the charmingly entitled - Taking the Piss Before I Die - is available from the Rip Off Supermarket underneath the incense.


  1. well this guru chit ing kevin is a harmless funny guy. though he writes about me too, that is the way i look at him anyway. If he can not write about anything he wants to write, then what is the meaning of seeking freedom anyway. If people finds his words are offensive let them bury their dictionary first. I have a hearty laugh though. good work kevin. keep it up. If anyone even if my people threatens u, let us deal them together, U got all the right to write whatever u want to write and I got all the right to laugh at it though. ps I truly dont like ginger bread though.

  2. come on don't pretend like a good person who r ur people, u will be behind the bars soon, ur a mafia, take out that saffron , and wear some skirt ur shame to this religion

  3. hello kevin she is causing lots of problem for lot of people, there are lot of victims, may be we can save some people, create awareness about her here start wrting about her, she is evil, she needs to be punished, she is very manupulative, lier, a cheat, someone should teach her lesson, she is arrogant, she is a symbol of shame for this holy religion

  4. I'm not trying to save anyone! If people are foolish enough to give their time, attention and monies to Radha or some other fake it's not my problem. I just take the piss because I feel like it, there is no high moral agenda. My only weapon is 18th century Swift-ian Mockery, as far as I'm concerned the Emperor and Empress have no clothes on and their bits are on public view! I'm just pointing out the obvious. As for crime and punishment I am not a higher authority just an ageing punk rocker with a little bit of leftover attitude. I had hoped that when I pulled the blog down last september someone else would have filled the void but all we got was the same old sychophantic dross like 'Arunachala Grace'. If you have a bone to pick with Radha please start a blog and send me a link.

  5. Well, I once promised to you, no land is in my name..all are transferred to their owners' name or their Indian Binami name..including the Egyptian temple.

    I do not know what other problem i have created to others..let them go the police if any..

    You are all cowards..why use anonymous as name..

    Long time back, I have written on my wall, asking everyone to go to Ramanashramam. I am not interested in building an empire of ashram based on this stupid spirituality. My husband and I are well educated and any time we can go back and earn money or wealth if we want to..

    So please stop publishing the baseless rumors written by the useless people trying to act spiritual. As you say, either they would have been kicked out by me and carrying the scorn or may be the disciples of other gurus like you, who spend more time writing non sense about other gurus than writing the glories of their own Master

  6. You sound really grumpy Radha. What happened to all the 'Joie de vivre' and enlightened nonchalance?The thing I love about you is that you always react it's almost Pavlovian, your so predictable!
    Read your book too, 'Ye Gods' what turgid dross, did you just copy and paste it from some old Advaita manuals. Don't you have any fresh insights?
    Anyway that's enuff stuff, I'll leave you to stew all alone in your weird ashram, hope to see some really banal new slogans on the wall next time I'm passing by!

  7. Don't really understand why Radha is so bothered. If it is her commenting, that is. Aren't the enlightened supposed to be above it all?