Sunday, November 23, 2008

Fat Boy Slim funks it up ...

As the worldwide plague of obesity reaches epidemic proportions, Fat Boy Slim (alias Arunachala Ramana of AHAM) has proved himself to be the harbinger of things to come ... The evolutionary missing link, the veritable Avatar of Gluttony!

Fatty has been abiding in the Self since 1973, also in the kitchen, pantry and any fast food outlets in the area ... Anywhere he can get his hands on nosh in fact and lots of it to shove down his fat gullet. His illumination came about while asking the immortal question: Who am I? Instantly the answer came from on high: "Verily thou art a very greedy bastard from Texas!" From this epiphany the AHAM Ashram was born: basically as a means of securing a consistent food supply for Fattie's voracious appetite. For this huge undertaking lots of gullible punters were needed to finance the whole scam. To this end, evangelical Nazi woman Elizabeth was appointed to keep away any smartasses who might take the piss and also to keep the eatables flowing, while Fatty got on with the serious business of stuffing himself with lots of grub!

A) All the time!
B) Not often!
C) I'm a bit porky myself!
D) I like being dominated by a power-crazed psycho sister, please give me dog food!

If you have answered A or B you will be instantly ejected from the building and rabid dogs will be loosed on you until you are a viscous red stain in the dirt, even your offal will be consumed! If you have answered C you will be held in a cell for further evaluation. If you have answered D you will instantly be initiated into the cult of AHAM, please get your credit and debit cards ready!

AHAM means ASSOCIATION OF HAPPINESS FOR ALL MANKIND! Excuse me while the Egyptian Mortician pulls my brains out through my nostrils with a hooked needle (SLUUUUURP!)

"Ah, that feels much better. I BELIEVE!"

No comments:

Post a Comment