Dear Friends, Luvvies, Darlings and most importantly, sponsors!
It is with a profound feeling of my sacred mission that I feel empowered to spread my gospel of Love, Light and Unlimited Shopping. Unfortunately those slobs from the bank have lowered my credit limit. Now people, it is with a sense of true humility and unconditional acceptance that I say: "Get your act together and gimme some money you cheap bastards!" Let me explain the natural order of things and your place in the food chain. I am blonde, very gorgeous and have an insatiable need to spend money on ME! ME! ME! Your place in the universe is to give sustenance to my retail therapy addiction, while I spout a few spiritual platitudes and give you 30 seconds of my precious attention. As an extra incentive I will be dressed in a shimmering sari (I do so love to be ethnic!) with see-through qualities, so when the light is right you lucky boys will be able to see my perfectly formed pubis and vulva ... So empty your wallets NOW! You know it's worth it!
SATSANG BARBIE, Chairwoman of the Ministry of ME, formerly Miranda Macpherson, formerly Miranda Holden, formerly Glenda Slag etc etc ... (one loses count of one's divorces!)
Satsang Barbie has just joined our editorial staff. She will be revealing her deepest and most profound thoughts in regular articles for Chi-Ting Apocalypse ...