Sunday, October 31, 2010

Radha Ma: Downfall


(Radha has been very depressed recently and has written me a plea for help in the Comments section. She is prone to being bipolar and a bit manic, she locks herself away for months in a dark room and eats compulsively, getting up to Sumo fighting weight in record time. So just to cheer her up we've written a film script for her, a kind of an Advaitic version of the Mel Brooks classic The Producers. So cheer up Radha, just sing-a-long to 'Springtime for Hitler in Germany!')

Live from Der Radha Bunker, starring Bruno Ganz as Radha Ma.
Berlin 1945, the howl of Russian howitzers scream through the air.

Tiruvannamalai 2010: the discordant cacophony of a village marriage rips through the air as the manic tones of Tamil techno causes blood to leak from the ears. Everyone stumbles around in disarray and sensory confusion.

With the collapse of her once mighty Real Estate Empire, the forces of the Radha Reich are reduced to a dishevelled rump of a couple of sadhus, her boyfriend Amar, her unhappy husband and some small children who have been conscripted from the local village to defend Das Mutterland. Desperately Radha tries to rally the troops against the inevitable onslaught of the Russian tourists.

"We will fight them to the last drop of your blood", she intones heroically. The small children have been lined up dressed in sadhu robes, white chalk smeared across their heads in true Shaivite warpaint style. They shuffle around picking there noses while Radha marches up and down the line trying to inspire them. She looks down at one small child, gives his cheek an affectionate squeeze and absentmindedly slaps him about the head. The child starts to howl and Radha clouts him. He shuts up instantly and looks at her in terror. "Discipline and courage are the true mark of a devotee, you will now give your lives for the Radha Reich!" she shouts. The children are given sticks and pushed out into the street to fend off the onslaught of the Russian barbarian horde.

Radha turns to her last 2 remaining generals and says: "You have all failed me, you do not deserve me, where is General Kalidas and the Ninth Army of Devotees?" Her husband looking a bit sheepish, turns to her and says "Urr he's defecting to the Russians at this very moment in time". They turn and see a weird hippy who looks a bit like a refugee from Robin Hood Men in Tights, scuttle across no man's land towards the Sparsa Hotel. "I am betrayed by all!" she wails. There is a stunned silence. The advancing Russian tourists start clicking their cameras furiously, flashbulbs burn the retinas in a blinding haze. "I am not a guru, go to the Ramana Ashram!" she screams desperately and then in a final act of tenderness, turns to her boyfriend Amar (for it is he, Amar Alhassan, the famed transcriber of Radha's holy words): "You will betray Das Mutterland and your Radha?"

"Never meine Radha, I will endure an eternity in maya to be at your side," he replies. They clutch hands passionately in a last show of love and defiance, before the Russians descend. "Right, I'm out of here, the bed isn't big enuff for the 3 of us!" says her husband as he storms off down the road in search of his chum General Kalidas.

The heroic duo stand alone in one last beatific moment before the tragedy of their final stand reaches consummation. Loudspeakers play Tomorrow Belongs To Us from the movie Cabaret and dancing nuns pirouette and somersault across the stage as leather-clad fetish-dwarfs juggle firesticks and giggle manically. One last glance of love, then they are run over and consumed by the enlightenment hungry horde of Russians.

Only a stain remains in the dirt, the moment of mahasamadhi has arrived!



31 comments:

  1. Poor Radha, she was doing so well, turning up in Ushas, raking up the cash from her shopaholic devotees and having fun and games dumping them all and disappearing off to the Himalayas. Of course she's nothing like Nithyananda but you gotta laugh. What self-respecting gal dresses in orange then runs off with a Muslim boy? It's hard to believe these people actually get away with it ... let her disappear into the dust with the rest of them. Soon she will be forgotten ...

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  2. You forget Kevinanda, we do have to thank the lovely RM for one thing. She took that wanker Spermananda down off his ridiculous pedestal and told him either he had a mind or he didn't. - In "Blueprints" - and the dumb-ass even published it, he's that stupid! She saw through that idiot in no time. I think you love her really anyway ...

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  3. Radha only likes the rich ones ... and she can't take the criticism. So many vasanas ... poor girl

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  4. Beloved Master.
    You know, she has a fitness room in her bunker, where she must be training day and night to loose a little weight and look respectable,
    the machines and ma looking very worn out, poor ma, she is not a bad
    girl, like the other idiots,but she just can't make it. I think it is time for her to close that rat hole and return to the Ramanashram, to sit at the feet of her master for the rest of her life.
    Your humble servant.
    Sister k.

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  5. You could take your traveling satsang act on the
    road. But the price of admission is usually only
    $10 or $15 and the audiences are small. And you
    don't have the right charisma or agent for the
    really big draws. Heck, it's just enlightenment not
    charm school.
    MR

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  6. Did someone say shopping? I luv this guru!

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  7. Many so called masters talk about the lion's roar, but fact
    alot of us are sheep, what to do?

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  8. and you are a sheep simply repeating Papaji's words

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  9. cannot everyone just post a comment without it passing under the author of this website's critical eye?

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  10. I have total control over the comments. If I don't think it enhances the blog it gets deleted. And if you saw some of the crap that people send it would truly blow your mind. I am not interested in playing some pathetic game of coffee shop democracy, if you wanna be a jerk it goes in the bin, next!

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  11. No the sheep are in wolves clothing, waiting to fleece the unprepared, the novice!
    What they want is milk toast for a mass audience.
    hj

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  12. Come on Radha, we want to hear back from you. What do you have to say. You are truly one of the more interesting ones. Because you like to wind people up and play little games. Can you not be bothered with us or does Sri Sri truly infuriate you? He only does his job which is to stop people who you complain about, coming to your satsang. You say you are not a teacher or a guru but you set up your market stall and put up signs telling everyone not to come. If you really practised what you preached you wouldn't be doing this at all? ANd why are you so bothered that I am anonymous? WHy do you care?

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  13. Hi It is Ammar her. Ammmar Alhassan. Radha ma is just a guide to write Ramana's books into Arabic. Nhey nothing more than that. I did her book because she did not allow her book to do if I dont' t do Raman's book.

    Being her lover, I feel like puking. I have got a beautiful girl waiting for me at Syria. Have seen Radha ma's body, full of diabetic scars, and she is much older than me..like `15 years atleast. No one can really touch her including her own husband, except her face, her whole body is defamed.


    I do not know you, any way the mere idea of being her lover is disgusting.

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  14. Wow Ammar, she's not that bad looking, you say she makes you wanna puke! Chill out it's a film script what they call a 'ROM COM' or romantic comedy and we needed a male lead and to be honest her Husband wasn't quite cut out for the job. So you drew the short straw and got drafted in.

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  15. well do not carry by her face. Her whole body including the arms are scared very badly, and people around her, her old devotees knows it very well and I write this boldly, because she said she has stopped long time back reading your story. As a guru, or guide, all I can do his prostrate her. She is not taking any sort of medicine, so her scared are bad even at the feet.

    Dont even link me to her as a lover, and my standard of girls are very high. I am engaged and I could sent my wie picture sometimes, she is a real beauty.

    I am not defaming radha ma,,but just to tell you facts, she totally ignored her body and she is coughing like a TB patient and for the last 6 months not even going to the doctor.

    Please take some one for that role, like her young american devotee Mayur (Seth ) for this rold.

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  16. Dear Ammar, I know just the person for you. She will make you feel much better, hear all of your problems and apply the correct therapy. Her name is SISTER KLAUS!

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  17. So Ammar, God is not good enuff for you? To be honest your description of Radha makes her sound like some 18th century harlot with terminal syphilis, death by decay and the pox etc

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  18. Ammar your description of Radha is very specific, are you sure you don't have any inside information? Had a quick peek under the Sari have we? Sounds very supicious to me, I think you protest too much.

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  19. Kevji, RM is furious with this post on her and is yelling about how Ammar is a dirty traitor. They were intimately involved, of course. Well done, keep up the good work!

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  20. Doo dum dum dum , de doo dum dum, doo dum dum dum de doo dum dum.......

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  21. Are you OK Rose? A little bit lost are we?

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  22. Lost?! How lovely!! But no, just coming off drugs again, and excruciatingly around every minimoment. Neither one of the truly lost, nor one of the holy found, just a perpetual edge dweller like the rest of the junkies criminals refuse and low lifes of this world. Doo dum dum dum......Leonard Cohen's answer to the mysteries, and the backdrop to his Tower of Song.....this blog made me think of the lyrics. I'm sure Radha will have a chuckle too, she's no doubt a fan!!

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  23. Well, we like you anyway, Rose. Back to Radha Ma. It's funny how everyone picks on her, when there are so many other deserving candidates. Maybe it's because she's a woman. I mean she deserves it don't get me wrong but there are a lot, lot worse than her with far less personlity!!

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  24. i think its because she's a total enigma to our poor little minds...if she was just an intensely charismatic, brilliant, beautiful woman, our world knows precisely how to idolise then crucify these ones swiftly and cleanly, and then move on...but Radha's more a shape shifter extraordinaire than a mere tall poppy... slippery little sucker, just when you think you've pinned her down, chik chak, she's off again..

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  25. Urr very wrong Rose. She is a manipulative con artist, who spins 3rd rate advaita to needy guillible souls like you. Sad but true!

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  26. ... "more a shape shifter extraordinaire than a mere tall poppy" ... MY GOD GIRL WOT DRUGS U ON?

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  27. Oh come now Keviji, I just know you're a little more astute than all that! Advaita? I always had the impression Radha saw the sadly misunderstood advaita tune around town as a tad kindergardenish, cartoonish, naive - hell, you can download that stuff straight off the web while you're sitting in Timbuktu picking your nose - and naturally most of the dumbfucks sucking it up as completely incapable of digesting it. oh no, Keviji, u weren't one of said dumbfucks were u?! Nnnnoooooo.....if you weren't one of the sharpest tools in the box, then I'd buy it that u heard a 3rd rate advaita, but i've a sneaking suspicion you're selling yourself short - in the name of art, or posterity, or poor self esteem??? Anyway, Spring Ding, we love your blog, you're after all so sweet weaving such beautiful little stories to pass the time, weaving and unpicking, weaving and unpicking, like Penelope endlessly weaving her tapestry and waiting for her beloved Odysseus to return - don't worry, you're not alone, we're all up to it! But keviji, maybe i'm naive in assuming it's obvious, but surely u realise that 'she' is doing nothing, that we all run our own show, that this one is your show, and Radha just one of your poor players strutting and fretting her hour on your stage - bit paranoid of u to imagine her wielding such power - take your power back chi ting dude, u seem like a smart boy, take the lid off and live a little!!!

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  28. drugs....all the good ones....

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  29. Rose you write really well, please start your own blog. Just go to www.blogger.com it's childs play. I'm interested in stirring up a hornets nest of diversity and your whimsical wackiness would spice things up nicely. Sister Klaus is already cracking the whip (see the links under Comrades in Arms) and when you get started don't forget to send me a link.

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  30. RM song:

    She'll only come out at night

    The lean and hungry type

    Nothing is new, I've seen her here before

    Watching and waiting

    She's sitting with you but her eyes are on the door

    So many have paid to see

    What you think you're getting for free

    The woman is wild, a she-cat tamed by the purr of a Jaguar

    Money's the matter

    If you're in it for love you ain't gonna get too far

    Oh here she comes

    Watch out boy she'll chew you up

    Oh here she comes

    She's a maneater

    Oh here she comes

    Watch out boy she'll chew you up

    Oh here she comes

    She's a maneater

    I wouldn't if I were you

    I know what she can do

    She's deadly man, and she could really rip your world apart

    Mind over matter

    The beauty is there but a beast is in the heart

    Oh here she comes

    Watch out boy she'll chew you up

    Oh here she comes

    She's a maneater

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  31. I do not know about her man eating but she is truly a money eater. She has recently got a big luxury car.

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