Akashic shakedown ...

H.H. Swami Kevinandaji after stealing a ticket for the Akashic Records from the Ganapati Library ... (new hardcore Chi-Ting with no added humour!)

Yo verily, through my awesome powers of Chi-Ting I can now really dish the dirt on all the scumbags charging money for enlightenment and raping the legacy of the Godfathers of Non-Duality. Long have I witnessed the unquenchable thirst for power, glory and sexual gratification, those fruits of hubris let loose upon the streets of T.V.Malai. Now the Day of Judgement has dawned ...

Jimmy James Swartz, alias Ram, arch Vedanta bore, enemy of all Neo Advaita window-shoppers and serial adulterer of the year 1972. For too long have we suffered the tedium of your convoluted diatribes and turgid prose on the web and from your pulpit in Usha's restaurant. The Truth will out: neither do you understand Vedanta nor its bastard progeny Neo Advaita, you who sell yet another philosophy (greenbacks are your aphrodisiac of choice!) while claiming not to be a guru or wanting our money. Thou art guilty on all counts of hypocrisy ... Soon Chiron will come a-calling. All must pay the ferryman, your account is far overdrawn and the gods will have their dues ...

Florian Tathagata, Spiritual Businessman of the Month, so seduced by Capitalist wiles you forgot to donate to Seshadri Ashram, then somehow, suddenly remembered, after the hue and cry! You who are the Circus Master of Self Therapising Performance, encouraging your coterie to flaunt their emotional wounds while feeding upon followers who flounder at your feet. I predict the scales of Thoth will not balance in your favour ... A long-lost devotee will return to stalk you and despoil the rose garden of yours and Julia's conceit ...

Mix'n'match Mark-Hans, now offering 7-day Radical Enlightenment Intensives, as your latest ploy. One-stop salvation ... "Just join this course" ... NO satisfaction guaranteed! Even leeching off of Mooji's satsang will do nothing to fill the void that is your shoddy product: a grab-bag of yoga, satsang, dharma, diksha, discussion etc, randomly assembled to entice any passing fool. (And haven't you been mouthing off rather too much, Oh Enlightened One, about your visits to a certain female guru begging for a taste of "the real thing"?) Mark-Hans, thou art a Whore For All Seasons ... The Lords of Karma will expel you from T.V.Malai to the hell zone of Gaia's kindergarten satsang. You will endure this purgatory for all eternity! ...

And as for Mooji, Madhukar, Pratima, Premananda and the rest of your clan, listen to your teacher Papaji who told David Godman in the book Nothing Ever Happened:

Godman: You used to give experiences to a lot of people. Why did you do it if you knew that the effect would not be permanent?

Papaji: I did it to get rid of the leeches who were sticking to me, never allowing me to rest or be by myself. It was a very good way of getting rid of all these leeches in a polite way. I knew that in doing this I was giving lollipops to the ignorant and innocent but this is what these people wanted. When I tried to give $100 bills to them, they rejected them. They thought that they were just pieces of paper. So I gave them lollipops instead.

Godman: Many of the people you gave lollipops to left Lucknow thinking that they were enlightened. Does the fact that they accepted the lollipop and left indicate that they were not worthy to receive the $100 bills?

Papaji: If one is not a holy person, one is not worthy to receive the real teaching. Many people think that they have attained the final state of full and complete liberation. They have fooled themselves, and they have fooled many other people but they have not fooled me. A person in this state is like a fake coin. It may look like the real thing. It can be passed around and used by ignorant people who use it to buy things with. People who have it in their pocket can boast of having a genuine coin but it is not real. But it has no value. When it is finally discovered to be a fake, the person who is circulating it, claiming that it is real, is subject to the penalties of the law. In the spiritual world, the law of karma catches up and deals with all people who are trafficking in fake experiences. I have never passed on the truth to those whom I could see were fake coins. These people may look like gold and they may glitter like gold, but they have no real value. There are many people who can put on a show and fool other people into believing they are enlightened. Why does hearing the truth only work in a small percentage of cases? The simple answer to that is that only a small percentage of people are interested in the truth.

Godman: Many people have heard you say, ‘I have not given my final teachings to anyone’. What are these final teachings, and why are you not giving them out?

Papaji: Nobody is worthy to receive them. Because it has been my experience that everybody has proved to be arrogant and egotistic … I don’t think anyone is worthy to receive them!

NUFF SAID. CASE CLOSED!

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