Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Satsang Barbie: Cosmo special

Breaking news:

Satsang Barbie (alias Miranda Macpherson), ex Beauty Queen and Chi-Ting News Anchorwoman has been sighted on Siva-Sakthi Street with her new enhanced look: complete with Pink Bentley (The Satsang Mobile) and entourage of beauticians, plastic surgeons and personal fitness trainers.

We were not expecting Ms Barbie to arrive til early February. But as usual she has pulled a fast one, probably to avoid her American-based creditors. Apparently there are still a few places left on her remarkably cheap retreat priced 1390 US dollars for 12 days: special discount, 5 dollars for anyone who keeps their make-up on for the entire week (she doesn't want to be the only one who looks like a melting waxwork doll!)

Just in case you didn't know, Satsang Barbie is internationally famous for flashing her crotch and drawing male fans for hundreds of miles around because she wears translucent underwear. We had previously thought that the market for Imaginary Awakening Experiences (IAEs) had been cornered by that professional idiot, Premananda. But Miranda has usurped him on the PR bullshit front: she has even claimed she hears the "guidance" of Ramana Maharshi in the caves up on the mountain! (Did he ask her to charge exorbitant prices for her spiritual "services"? Was she divinely guided to exploit free darshans, already open to all?)

And did you notice? She's been getting a few nips and tucks at her bijou Barbie Mansion in the States. Her best pal Paris Hilton and other divinely appointed celebs who have recently ascended to the top floor of Arcade in Beverley Hills, held her hand while the surgeon turned back those difficult 40-something years with a laser scalpel.

Miranda will be holding one-to-one sessions on the back seat of the Pink Mobile very soon (American Express Platinum Cards only). "Shopping sprees at sari emporiums, jewellers, crafts and other local delights" will follow imminently ...


  1. Masterful. She's just Self Help really isn't she. For beginners.

  2. She has been a flaky D actress since waaaay back. ie highschool in Perth Australia. Surgery was inevitable. Would love to know if Miranda actually believes (let alone understands) anything she says to her poor victims???

  3. I wonder if she would be interested in raising my kundalini!

  4. Apparently, a lot of these oneness-chicks are into translucent underwear. It's probably a sort of 'emperors new clothes' thing. Even that Susan Fuckston.

    I have always prefered female gurus, you never know when the Sacred Minge will open.